This is one of those email funnies that was sent to me by Aussie Diver. It’s just so funny, we both agreed it should go on the site. With apologies for the language, but rather than edit it, I felt it added impact!

Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy. Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana . He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs.

Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest.
Needless to say, she won.

Read his letter below.

~Hi Sue,

Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.
Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down
lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make
you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what
happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my
job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit
to the office. It's a wet suit. This time of year the water is quite
cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered
industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water
out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps
it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air
hose.

Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start
working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wet suit.
This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a
Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt
started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it.

This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my ass started to
burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In
agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up
a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair
on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it, however, the crack of my
ass was not as fortunate.

When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into the crack of my ass.

I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His
instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five other
divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the
dive.

I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
totaling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was
wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the
medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't shit for two days because my
ass was swollen shut.

So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your ass. Now repeat
to yourself, 'I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.' Whenever you
have a bad day, ask yourself, is this a jellyfish bad day?

If you liked this, also read:

1/ Eight things every diver should do before they die

2/ Diving - a wife's perspective

3/ Scuba Mike's Red Sea trip